I had a very interesting conversation with one of my friends who happens to be gay. We discuss our lives very openly, so he knows what my particular views on relationships are. As we were talking I referred to my spanko/DD view of life as an alternative lifestyle.
To my surprise he vehemently disagreed. "No it is not an alternative lifestyle, not at all." Now this took me by surprise.
"Well yes it is, this is not something everyone embraces and you should understand that because your lifestyle is an alternative as well." For a moment I thought he was going to tell me that my feelings were merely a sexual kink and no more. But that was not where he was going at all.
He explained that calling our lifestyles alternatives indicated that there was a majority lifestyle and that all others were less desirable alternatives to that particular way of doing things. His next comment floored me. "You might as well say Orientals and African Americans are alternative people because they are not Caucasion." I certainly would never consider that even in the realm of possibility.
For the first time I realized I was using terminology that made me feel on the outside looking in at the general population.
He firmly believes that everyone lives the life that is what they want, need, and desire. Furthermore he believes the term alternative is prejudicial. Although no one is positive why, some of us are just wired to want different ways of life.
So I am interested in what others think on this subject. I have stoppped using the term alternative for the time being. What do you think? Are we living an alternative lifestyle or just being ourselves. Is the term alternative lifestyle a predjudicial term or not? I know he refuses to see his "gayness" as an alternative to something else. For him it is his life just as a straight person lives their life.
I would love to hear your opinion. Does that spanking need set us apart in a different classification or is it simply just our way of thinking and feeling.
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6 comments:
Very thought provoking. The word "alternative" by definition implies that a choice has been made. Did your friend "choose to be gay" or did we choose to be interested in spanking? I believe your friend may be right. The use of the word "alternative" may be an error.
Hi, first time commenting here. This is a very interesting thought. I believe I would be inclined to agree with your friend.
Debbie :)
Purple,
What an interesting question. I told on my site several months ago that my 19 year old son is gay. I have no doubt this was the way he was born, my daughter is left handed and I was born a spanko. Just facts about us. I AM a spanko, I can no more change that than I could my race. I live without actual spanking for almost 50 years and now I have made the choice to live the spanking lifestyle. I can live without it, obviously but I am a healthier happier person now that it is a part of my life. But with spanking or without I will always be a spanko!
Hugs,
PK
Purple, I'm a spanko as was my wife, we didn't choose this, your gay friend made a very valid point.
I wonder in fact if we chose to call ourselves alternative, or did the 'vanilla' community choose to use that term in a somewhat derogatory way, perhaps to validate their own less than perfect choice. Just thinking aloud.
BTW I think it was Bonnie led me here, great post.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Thanks for an intriguing question!
For my part, I don't see it as an alternate lifestyle either. I think of it as a natural part of my sex life -- like couples watching porn or sharing their fantasies together. In that way, this is just another type of "kinkiness".
One might say thyough that as a spanko or as one in a DD relationship, there are other factors like behavior that come into play. But this is true regardless of whatever type of sexlife you have. Sexlife isn't "just" about sex, but defines your self-image too, your relationship with your partners and how you see life and love and what's important. And I think this is true weather you're a one-night-stand ladies' man or gay or whatever, or even a spanko like the rest of us :-)
I guess it's within the lines of what your friend was saying. Like the saying "different folks, different strokes".
Thank you all for your comments. I also believe that I won't be using the term alternative lifestyle again.
Purple Angel
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