Today was an emotional roller coaster. New problems brought up old issues of self doubt, bad karma, and just plain negative responses. I cried so long and hard that my eyes were almost swollen to slits by the time I sat down to post this.
I know in the past I have posted about the benefits of therapeutic spankings. And I still believe in them. However, this definitely was not the right time for it. I was so lost in believing I was in the role of victim once more that I couldn't see anything straight. It took two loving, kind and gentle men, as well as loving women in my life, to help me recognize that the sky was not falling.
Both my loving and supportive GC and my older brother spent a good deal of time helping me see that the problem was not insurmountable and, in fact, was not nearly as serious as I was feeling. I will admit that what I felt was, OH NO here we go again. And it really felt as if I had made it up the mountainside only to find myself slipping down the muddy slope. The fact that I was having some very uncomfortable stomach problems did not help either.
A spanking would not have done anything but made me cry even harder, if that were possible. It would not have helped me resolve the issues that were overwhelming me. This time I needed a gentle hand and the voices of reason to help me clarify what was actually happening. Once again it is evident that a one size fits all philosophy has little room in a spanking lifestyle.
So I cried, listened, talked out my fears, faced my doubts, and took a realistic view of possible solutions that would work for me. My first ideas were not necessarily my best ideas. It took me awhile to admit that to myself. The fact of the matter is I do have a disability, well actually several of them but who's counting. The other fact is that I would like them to go away, yesterday if possible, but they probably will never be gone for good.
As I have said before, yelling at me is the quickest way to shut me down completely. A soft voice of reason, someone caring enough to patiently point out the obvious, and loving care always get my full and undivided attention.
So right at this moment I am counting the blessings in my life in the form of people who care. My older brother who has an incredible knack for simplifying what seems overwhelming, my female friends who are always ready to be there, lending support, love, and encouragement, and the man I know loves me unreservedly and only wants what is best for me. His reassurance that he would be there for me is priceless.
You may be wondering why this is on a spanking blog. Well even hard wired spankos will admit that it is not the cure all for every situation. Sometimes it takes a loving voice and a gentle hand.
Thanks to all of you for your gifts of love and care.
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