After the Dust Settles

Well, as I talked about in my last blog I knew I would have to pay the price for the careless behavior I used concerning my finances. I appreciated the supportive comments and, yes, I wish they didn't have to be long distance spankings but I might have to wait months in that case. That's just a little too much anxiety. I mean I know a little is very effective but months worth...I would be crawling the walls, biting my nails, and probably getting myself into more trouble with that awful substance..chocolate.

So I got spanked last night and this morning. Both my partner and my "older brother" felt a need to let me know I was definitely in the wrong. I have to say that I never feel angry about getting spanked for discipline. Maybe its because they do it with so much love and care. But I never feel a grudge. In fact, other than the obvious pain in my posterior, I feel grateful, loved, and cared about. That's just me and that is the way I have always felt when someone cares enough to discipline me to help me do a better job of managing aspects of my life and getting rid of the guilt when I don't.

Unfortunately this is not the first time this problem has occured so the spanking was necessarily more severe. Actually both spankings were more severe. I was soundly paddled both last night and this morning. (And I do mean soundly). I had to apply Ben Gay so it felt like I was being spanked from the inside out. I was also strapped and had to use my small lexan cane on myself. If anyone thinks sitting is easy today, well you are not in this lifestyle.

But there is an upside to all this as there always is. I am always forgiven and reassured I am loved. Even though the hugs take place over the phone and/or computer they are so freely given. It gives me a chance to cry and purge those horrible guilty feelings. And both of these wonderful men then tell me we will go on to solve the problem, which they are willing to help me work out.

What more could I ask for? Love, care, understanding, help, discipline, and the understanding that they will always be there. It amazes me that this is the case. This is not what I experienced growing up. Yes, it is a big mess I made. Yes, it will take some time to clean up. But, no, I have not been deserted, there are loving, caring people on my side. Granted it was my backside last night and this morning but I did remember to thank them for that as well. No I am not crazy, I always thank those who demonstrate their love and care.

So to those of you who took time to write supportive comments, thank you as well. I do appreciate it. Real life is much better, but this is better than what I used to have.....nothing.