Well I'm Not That Cute After All

Well my readers, friends, and newcomers, the little hints I posted yesterday came true today just as I knew they would. Yes, I got myself in trouble again and no it had nothing to do with chocolate. It has always been interesting to me that in my professional life or when I am in charge of something for others, I have no trouble managing finances, deadlines, and whatever else needs to be done. But in my personal life, I am sometimes not my own best friend.

And so I found myself once more in confession mode. Not only did I have to tell my "older brother" what I had done(on the same day he returned from a vacation), but I had to tell the man I love very much what a mess I had gotten myself into. I am so ashamed and feel I have humiliated myself. And, truly, no one gets me into these deep holes but the 56 year old woman standing there with a shovel, digging herself in deeper and deeper. Now the one positive in all this is I don't do this all the time, and it is never intentional. It is carelessness. And please forgive me but I am not going to reveal what I did, its not important to the post and would only make me feel much worse.

My "brother" had a predictable response on the phone this morning after I told him. He asked a few questions and in a very kind gentle voice told me to lay over two pillows with my lexan paddle in hand. I have to tell you, that for me, self spanking is awful. Since he was not here to do this first part himself, he also added a dose of Ben Gay in a predictable place. So I was on fire before the spanking ever began. I was also in tears before the spanking began. Those soft, gentle but firm lectures always get to me. I was also informed that this was the first spanking to be followed by another one the next time he sees me (this summer).

So I am sitting here at 9:00 pm on a bottom still sore from 9:00 am. Lexan stings like crazy for those who have never had the pleasure. My paddle is thin, only 1/4 of an inch thick but, believe me, that is plenty. It always amazes me, however, that the same implement can be used for a pleasurable spanking with totally different results. Our brains are remarkable aren't they? So 150 smacks of a lexan paddle left my bottom predictably red and my eyes predictably teary.

And my wonderful GC was also very quiet but firm about what steps had to be taken regarding what had happened. Telling him was even more scary since I was so afraid he would think badly of me. That would certainly be worse than any spanking with any implement. He is an easy man to love, so caring and insistent on helping. However, he also understands that it is important to me that I eventually fix what was broken. Getting help is fine as long as I am not being totally dependent on anyone. A shoulder to cry on and an arm to go around you is wonderful. But in the long run I have to be the one that cleans up the mess.

So I guess Tinkerbell might be too cute to spank but I most certainly am not. And I am torn two ways about the second spanking I will get. I know it will provide the catharsis I need and clean the slate, so to speak. But I also know it is going to be pretty serious. As it should be.

And I learned, once again, its not enough to just think everything is alright, you have to stay focused and make sure, positively sure, to the best of your ability, that all is well. Fortunately I do feel forgiven by GC and my brother. Now the last person left to forgive me is the most difficult. I have to forgive myself.