Better Uses for a Therapy Couch

As you may have read the birthday spanking I got was great fun and extremely sensual. I loved every minute of it. But it was not the only spanking I received from my "older brother". I was spanked for two misdemeanors I had committed recently. I was also spanked for something I did ten years ago.

Some of you may find this absurd to not only accept but to ask for a spanking for such an outdated activity. Well, I not only asked for it, I believe in the concept of therapuetic spanking on several levels. Please also understand I don't believe in this only for women. I don't think you have to be a bottom or a switch either. It takes a very self confident Top to ask for a therapy spanking that they are in need of. Being a Top does not make you invulnerable to the reasons people need therapy spanking.

First of all I believe it is useful if you are highly stressed, not feeling right, and unable to get yourself focused. In this case a sound spanking can truly help get you back on track as a stress reliever.

The second type of therapy spanking is one that opens floodgates. If you are in mourning, feeling sad or just unable to find emotional release it takes very little spanking, from a person who knows you well, to give you the release you need. Then you find yourself crying it out in the arms of someone who cares deeply for you.

And the third one is the type I received. This spanking allows you to forgive yourself for an event you have been choked up with for a long time. In my case the long time was ten years.

I am going to describe the spanking which does bear some resemblance to punishment. However in this case it is not something I did recently, confessed, and got spanked for. But I assure you I asked for and wanted this spanking very much. I have been haunted by what I did and choked up on the guilt since it happened.

The man who spanked me is someone who understands me well. I think that is crucial for therapy spankings. I would be uncomfortable asking for this from a new relationship. We had planned this to be part of his visit. His biggest concern was that he could not deliver a serious enough spanking to release all that I held inside. He is a careful spanker and doesn't like serious bruising. He therefore used other options than my bottom which I will explain.

Before he came to visit I had to write out what I had done to read aloud to him. Reading that out loud was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I was so ashamed of myself. I then stood before him and he asked me if I had anything to say. Keep in mind that throughout I was never yelled at, treated harshly, or made to feel anything but loved and cared about.

What I had to say was this, "I am very sorry for what I did to both myself and the other person involved. I truly need and deserve this spanking and I am asking you to spank me as you think is necessary." By this time I had teary eyes. He quietly lectured me on how dangerous what I had done was to me and, well, to my son.

He then took off all my clothes which I knew in advance was what he was going to do. This had the effect of leaving me "nowhere to hide". All the implements I had were within his reach and he took me over his knee. At this point he reassured me that he would be "with me" the whole time. I would not be going through this alone. He rubbed my back and bottom for a moment and then held me around the waist. The spanking began with my hard rubber spatula which is very similar to being paddled with wood. The spanks were very hard and I was soon gasping but I never tried to get away and each time I was asked if I deserved this my answer was a resounding "yes". I was asked to repeat why I was being spanked several times. While over his knee I was spanked with the spatula, a paddle, and his hand. I cannot begin to tell you how it stung and burned.

When the otk portion was over he sat me gently on his lap, letting me know we were not finished but he held me and hugged me. He told me he was proud of me for how well I was taking this. I wiped away the tears and remembered that at one point he had to "lock my legs" with his since I started to lose the ability to hold them still. I also remember crying very hard but still holding back and not letting go.

The next portion was laying over a cushion on my bed with my wrists and ankles restrained in an x position. I had prepared the ropes before he got there, but the rope was attached to a soft cat collar so my skin would not be rubbed raw. As I lay there with my very red bottom upraised on the cushion he spoke to me quietly as he fastened my wrists and ankles. He told me my bottom was getting to the point where it could only take so much more without serious bruising which he does not like. I knew what this meant, he had discussed it with me before. If he had to finish elsewhere it would be between my legs. Since I had been spanked there before I was not looking forward to this and hoped my bottom could do the job.

When I was restrained he began with the bathbrush. I was soon screaming and crying into the pillow. I was very glad I had been restrained, otherwise I would never have been able to hold still. He next used his belt and gave me quite a strapping. I have felt a belt before but never like this.

The next words I heard had my heart sinking. "Sweetie your bottom has had all it can take. I am going to have to go to the front." I immediately began sobbing knowing what I was in for. I know many people feel this is an inappropriate place to spank but when done with care it is very effective. He was extremely careful but my God did it burn. And then it happened. After several spanks between my legs, it all let go. I could feel inside myself I was giving up all control to the spanking. I was sobbing and at times screaming. My restrained legs tried to close and he had to kneel between my legs to make sure even the slightest movement didn't have him hitting the wrong spot. Throughout I was spoken to lovingly. Several times he said he was sorry he had to spank there but the options were limited. My bottom had just had all it could take.

Then just as it had started it stopped. I felt him removing the restraints and I lay there crying. He laid down next to me and held me very close telling me how proud he was for how well I had done. He put my legs together so I could feel the sting there. He also gently rubbed my bottom. But most of all, and most importantly, he held me and reassured me this was over now. I had paid for what I had done. Not only did he offer forgiveness but he told me I was to forgive myself. He began rubbing a special lotion on my backside which certainly felt good but not as good as what was opening up inside me. The poison of ten years was draining away. I could feel the relaxation within my heart and soul. My bottom burned but the pain I had carried around for ten years was leaving, literally pouring out in a cascade of tears.

This spanking occured on Thursday and I felt some of the effects of it until last night. Most of it was gone the next morning. He carefully checked my bottom many times, and yes I know he was enjoying that, but he also massaged the bruised areas to be sure circulation would limit the bruising. When I looked in the mirror this morning all physical effects of the spanking were gone including the slight bruising.

But what remained was far more important. I feel as though I have drained an absess of pure guilt. I don't even know how to explain the feeling of going from choking with guilt to letting go of that awful feeling quite literally. He and I talked about it several times while he was here. One thing he recognized which may or may not happen is that one spanking may not be enough to get rid of this forever. I will certainly never need a spanking of this magnitude again for this situation but I may need an occasional therapy spanking if the guilt starts to creep back.

However he was very emphatic on one point. He made me delete what I had written about it on the computer and said, "this is now over, I don't want you spending more energy talking and thinking about it. Just let go as you did while I was spanking you." I am going to try for sure and for now it has worked so well. Its almost like losing weight.

So this worked for me, so very well. However, there is an amusing ending to this post. I was spanked early in the afternoon so I could sit at dinner time without agony. When I chose the restaurant to got to the pain had subsided enough that I just wasn't thinking. I picked a great restaurant. They had excellent food, unusual beer, and solid wooden booths. Just what you want to sit on after the spanking of a lifetime. Oh well, it all added up to a well learned lesson and an uneasy bottom but a much eased concience.

Happy Birthday To Me! Oh yes!

I decided to do my first post about my visit with my wonderful "older brother" on the subject of my birthday spanking. As you may know I have led a terribly deprived life and this is the first birthday spanking I have ever had. Believe me it won't be the last.

For those who are detail oriented he used his hand and my wonderful purple paddle. When that paddle is not used in punishment mode it leaves such an exquisite sting and tingle. I never knew whether the smacks with his hand were going to be "love pats" or old fashioned spanks. So delicious.

He had me straddle one leg and lean over as I would for otk. That made squirming and wiggling extremely sensual. My bottom was caressed and rubbed so much that I couldn't help moaning. God I am naughty! He also touched me in lovely erotic ways that made this a most amazing spanking indeed. I can honestly say it was better than chocolate birthday cake.

We both lost count of how many spanks I actually ended up with, we never even tried to keep track of how many times I was touched, rubbed, and caressed in the most intimate way.

I ended up with a lovely colored stingy, tingly bottom and a body that loved every moment of what occured. The photo of the cake(with a few touch ups) really seemed perfect. So now I have another type of spanking to add to my list. My very first birthday spanking, and you know what only seems fair? I think I should get "make ups" for the ones I missed until I catch up.

Greedy aren't I?!

Closed for Attitude Adjustment

As I posted I am having company for the next couple of days. I probably won't have a chance to post but I do promise to let you all know how the birthday spanking and the therapuetic spanking worked out. I will also let you know if I am sitting while posting or in a standing position. My best guess is a little of both.

I will also tell you that I am looking forward to this. I am sure many of you understand why. Spanking is a huge turn on even when it is not meant in an erotic context. My "older brother" and I do not have a sexual relationship and will not have one. That is reserved for the love in my life. But I did long for an older brother all my life and I am so grateful to have one that cares so much for his little sister and not only provides affection and advice but spankings as needed and wanted. He refuses to watch me make choices that are dangerous or unhealthy. I am totally accountable and, yes this is true, I love the feeling. Two men in this world care enough about me to love me enough to spank me when I do wrong and, even better, spank me when I am very, very good!!

Spanking Away the Guilt

I believe very strongly in the therapuetic benefit of spanking. I thought I better start this blog with that statement so everyone understands where I am coming from.

Getting spanked for something you have done wrong and never forgiven yourself for can be so incredibly effective. Please understand I am only talking about myself and the few spanko friends I have discussed this with. I have done no research but if the federal government would give me the money I bet I could design a great study!

I am not necessarily talking about a punishment spanking for something you just did. For example, on Friday I am going to be spanked, I mean seriously spanked for something I did ten years ago and have never forgiven myself for. Yes, I have been to therapy and, yes all my therapists told me to forgive myself and let go of the guilt. Yes, I have apologized to the people involved and asked for and received their forgiveness. But it still eats away at me. I truly feel I deserve to be punished for this. Honestly, I don't feel I will ever let go of it if I don't get the spanking I need and deserve. This was a very serious situation, no small matter I assure you. I will also be honest and say I am both dreading and looking forward to it.

I am dreading it because it is going to be a very real and serious spanking. I know it will hurt and I know I won't allow myself to get out of the mindset usually reserved for punishment. However, the person administering this is a totally trusted "older brother". I know he will watch out for my welfare.

So why would I be looking forward to it? I know afterwards he is going to talk to me about letting go and forgiving myself. I believe this may give me the permission I need.

In short I don't think there is a statute of limitations on the things we have done wrong in our lives. And as far as I am concerned if spanking helps wipe the slate clean I am all for it.

We'll see how I feel on Saturday when sitting will be a true challenge.

A Spanking Prayer

My updated version of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Spanking Prayer

Now I lay me over his knee
The carpet is the only sight I see
I waited all day for this moment to come
Please oh please make my backside hum

As he took my hand his eyes did glow
For he knew that soon all my treasures would show
I feel his hand caress up my thigh
And all I can do is close my eyes and sigh

My bottom is bare and my legs spread wide
There is nothing I am allowed to hide
He reaches down and kisses each cheek
The moan from my soul comes out as a squeak

That very first spank is warm and a sting
Now follows the ones that make me sing.
I squirm and I wiggle over his lap.
For now they are quite a bit more than a tap.

Every so often he stops to caress and squeeze.
I gasp with delight and beg him, please…
This man that I love knows what I need,
But still he loves to hear me plead.

Caressing and spanking, fills his needs as well,
When I look in his eyes its easy to tell
He delights in the color he brings to my skin
Such pleasure and delight could not be a sin.

I know I will feel both paddle and strap.
Oh I pray to hear that leather snap.
And after he spanks and its over and done.
He’ll cool the fire that burns like the sun.

I’ve done nothing wrong and neither has he.
This is the way we want life to be.
I can’t imagine not being spanked
Or making sure he has been thanked.

Its part of the way we express our love
I love his iron hand in a velvet glove.
So I pray the day will never come to be.
When I can’t find myself over his knee.

One of my Favorite Spanking/Erotic Artists

"Lynn Paula Russell is a talented eclectic artist. She has been an actress and a dancer, has executed large composite images of various West End plays and musicals, smaller composites of important television plays and scenes for American television, and painted quad posters of Hollywood stars. She has explored the strange world of fetishistic art, illustrating a number of magazines - she has, indeed, been the editor of one magazine for the past nine years - and has produced several illustrated stories for French adult 'Bandes Desinees' magazines. Two other drawn novels have been issued as separate books there. She has even illustrated children's books written by her husband Frank Charles.She paints in oils and water colours, but often prefers drawing in ink or pencil for the resulting sharpness. Several collectors have commissioned sets of drawings from her, including paintings inspired by The Story of O and the Kama Sutra. She has also been commissioned to execute a number of bookplates. Her work was exhibited at the Larmes d'Eros gallery in Paris and in a number of group shows in London galleries, and she has appeared in several discussion programmes on television in London and New York.

Serious and dedicated as an artist, she is also a humorous, fun-loving introvert who paradoxically, can transform herself into a grandiose exhibitionist. This little book reproduces a variety of her pictures, forages into a dark fantasy world of perfumed eroticism strictly regimented, clad and unclad, by strange rules and stranger images; look closely at them, for many of its heroines are the artist herself, projected into her own, and other people's, often unavowed dreams."Victor Arwas - Art HistorianForword to 'The Illustrative Art of Lynn Paula Russell'

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Lynn is also known as Paula Meadows and creates wonderful spanking art. Some of her work is very erotic as well, and she also creates work that is much more BDSM themed. I do love her work. Its well worth taking a look at and enjoying. I think she is right up there with Patty's Gallery.

Sunday Afternoon Fiction M/f

Caryn looked up from her book and watched Alexander as he turned the pages of the Sunday paper. Just watching him made her long for his touch. The house was filled with the peace of a weekend afternoon. Their usual weekly schedule was quite hectic as they both had very demanding jobs. It was just a pleasure to have the time to sit and watch him as he read the paper thoroughly as was his habit.

The two of them were very comfortable with the Sunday silence. They had lived together for five years. Two years ago they had exchanged rings in a civil marriage ceremony but two years prior to that Alexander had put his collar around Caryn’s neck with her loving and enthusiastic consent. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry, a double strand of crystals that fit as a choker. Alex had bought her other collars that she could wear as she pleased but she seldom took off the one he had put around her neck in the short ceremony surrounded by their friends in the D/S lifestyle.

Since they knew each other and what was expected of each of them so completely there were seldom disagreements about what and what was not acceptable behavior. Caryn’s behavior was usually exemplary and when she strayed Alex was sure to let his displeasure be known on her backside.

But lately Caryn had not slipped at all. She had received a raise at work after a project she had headed was extremely well received. Alexander had taken her out for a celebratory dinner that was truly beautiful and extremely elegant. They had made love that night slowly and with great emotion in their candlelit bedroom. She sighed quietly thinking of their lazy, unhurried loving touches that night.

The newspaper rattled breaking her reverie. Once again she looked up and so longed for his special touch. The one that woke up her soul and every nerve ending. She wanted to be spanked, but not for an infraction of the rules. Oh no she wanted Alex to spank her the way that brought them both the most pleasure. Didn’t matter what they called it….sensual, erotic, Just Because the simple truth was that they both loved and enjoyed every moment. It was a part of their intimate connection, and brought them closer together reinforcing their deep feelings for one another.

Caryn knew Alex had been overwhelmed at his law office lately and somewhat distracted when he was at home. She had tried to provide a soothing environment for him as he always did for her when she was stressed. But Caryn could no longer deny the need she felt. She marked the place in her book and put it to the side. Putting her head back against the chair she pictured in her mind what she longed for. Being over his lap bottom bared as he alternately spanked and caressed her backside with his firm strong hand. Knowing it would lead to a session in the bedroom where her mind would be lost to the rhythm of his strap and her soul lost to the pleasure that came with the pain. As her mind wandered she caught her breath sharply.

“Caryn?” came a voice from across the room. “Are you alright.” She opened her eyes; Alexander was looking at her with concern. She stood, her loose black skirt swirling around her knees and walked across the room. She touched his shoulder gently, kissed his forehead and looked at him lovingly. “Yes my dear I am fine. Can I get you anything? More coffee?”

Alex looked at her thoughtfully and spoke softly, “Yes Caryn you can get me you.” He recognized the look in her eyes and it wakened the longing inside of him. He put the newspaper aside. He took Caryn’s hand in his and kissed it gently. “I think we need this, my dear, just because. I have not been very attentive lately. We have both missed what we need and I am sure want.

Caryn could feel the fluttering in her stomach that always occurred when she knew spanking was imminent. Alex gently pulled her wrist, guiding her over his lap. He adjusted her so her bottom was perfectly placed up high. He caressed her leg as he pushed the material of her skirt up over her rounded white bottom. Since he insisted she wear no panties at home there was no further impediment. He leaned down close to her ear and spoke softly, “Caryn, I am going to spank you right now. I am going to watch your lovely backside turn a lovely dark pink.” As he spoke he caressed both cheeks of her bottom lovingly. She could feel the excitement mounting within her. Her legs spread slightly, she knew this was what Alexander expected and wanted. She breathed heavily waiting for the signal that he would begin.

She did not have to wait long. His hand lifted, she held her breath…..a rain of firm but gently spanks landed on each side of her bottom. They warmed the skin but provided no real sting. She wiggled impatiently on his lap. Alex smiled but would not be rushed; this was such pleasure for both of them.

The next time his hand rose it landed with a resounding smack and Caryn gasped. Now each spank was much harder and there was a pause between each. He spanked very thoroughly moving from side to side and up and down. He paused throughout the spanking to caress her reddened globes and occasionally ran his hand between her legs feeling the warm wet excitement he had awakened.

He could feel Caryn gripping his leg, hear her ragged breath and felt her body limp over his lap as she absorbed the pain and allowed it to become her pleasure. Both lost count of how many times his hand rose, fell, and caressed. Caryn was moaning in pleasure and need.

“My dear,” he spoke firmly but kindly. “You are to go to the bedroom, remove your clothing and lay over the pillows.” One sharp smack followed this pronouncement.

“Yes Alex,” Caryn’s voice was husky and soft. She stood on shaky legs and went to the bedroom. Alexander listened as he heard the rustle of clothing being removed, pillows being placed, and the sound of Caryn arranging herself over the pillows. Only then did he go to the bedroom He knew she wanted to see him approach. He walked to the bed; Caryn’s eyes followed his every moment. Without a word he unbuttoned his shirt cuffs and rolled the sleeves up. He locked eyes with Caryn as he unbuckled his belt and slowly drew it out of the belt loops. Caryn’s eyes were wide and she whimpered slightly in both need and anticipation. She could feel the moisture between her legs beginning to flow and her nipples were hard at the thought of the strap that would soon begin its rhythmic descent on her buttocks. She buried her face in her hands on the pillow and started to get lost in sensation.

Alexander knelt on the bed with one knee and placed on hand in the small of Caryn’s back. He could feel his own excitement growing as he gazed at the lovely red image her backside presented. He let the belt run softly over the skin of her bottom and down between her spread legs. “Caryn I so love you and I so love spanking your gorgeous bottom.” Without another word he raised the strap and brought it down with a crisp smack. A quick indrawn breath let him know the intensity was right. He began strapping her with a rhythm unbroken by caresses or words. He strapped up and down the skin of her bottom leaving light red lines on the already red skin.

Caryn began moaning in her total pleasure. “Alex”, she gasped, “Oh Alex……” Her legs spread further apart. He could see her obvious excitement and he could barely contain himself.

The strap was tossed aside and he quickly smoothed oil over her punished skin. This brought forth louder moans as his fingers touched and teased between her legs. Caryn laid over the pillows her insides beginning to quake in excitement.

Alex quickly removed his clothing rolled Caryn off the pillows and back onto her stomach. She arched up to him and he entered her, the warmth and wetness easing his way. His hands reached around to massage her breasts and roll the nipples between his fingers. They were hard and her sharp gasps let him know they were tender.

His thrusts were hard and became faster and more intense. Caryn met every thrust with that marvelous red backside. When he could no longer control it, he grabbed her waist, held her close and filled her as unimaginable pleasure flooded his body.

As she felt his hot fluid fill her, Caryn cam e hard and strong, the muscles inside her were pulsing around him. She collapsed on the bed, and felt tears of joy fill her eyes. Alexander laid over her kissing her neck and murmuring into her ear.

He turned her over and she winced gently as the sore tingling skin made contact with the sheets. Alex brushed the hair from her face and whispered, “I love you.” Her eyes told him all he needed to know.

They snuggled close and he reached behind her to massage her glowing cheeks. She purred in contentment, loving the lingering sting. Drowsiness soon overcame them both and they fell asleep, enjoying a lovely Sunday nap for no other reason than Just Because.

Ever Have a Birthday Spanking?

Yesterday was my birthday and I decided to take a day off of blogging. Now in all my 55, oops, 56 years I have never gotten a birthday spanking. However, I am going to get one next week. I can hardly wait!

So my question for anyone reading this post is 1. Have you ever had or given a birthday spanking, and 2. What makes a birthday spanking different?

I mean do you get to eat cake while you are being spanked? Does the spanker sing Happy Birthday to you? Is the implement being used gift wrapped? Do you get to choose anything about the spanking because its your birthday? And if you are a Top do you get spanked or do you spank someone else in your honor?

Oh yes I am looking forward to it but he has told me he loses count a lot. Hmm wonder how often he will lose count on his way up to 56.

So anyone with any birthday spanking experience please let me know what I might expect.

All comments would be greatly appreciated!

Turning The Tables or Switches That Don't Grow on Trees

Yes I am a switch. I am actually a bottom switch which means my preference is to be spanked but I also am willing, able, and enjoy spanking naughty male bottoms. My partner is a bottom switch also although he is more top than he realizes. That's ok we all learn as we go along in life.

Now when I started this journey I never imagined myself with a man over my knee. It never even occured to me. But I had a friend ask if I would spank him. My first thought was, NO WAY, but then I remembered how it feels to have this need with no friendly hand or paddle in view. Secondly I am a pretty good actress and can play a role. And most importantly I had been a teacher for 28 years. I understood being dominant. No, I never laid a hand on a child nor would I. All I ever needed to do was look over my glasses and say in my best teacher voice, "Excuse me are you making an appropriate choice?" Come to think of it that works pretty well with guys who are bottoms or switches.

So I wore very Toppy looking clothing and talked quietly but firmly. He understood exactly what I was going to do and how I would expect him to behave. I must admit I used some of the ideas from men who had spanked me. The only thing I would not do and will not ever do is spank in anger, or be harsh or mean spirited. I also promise anyone I spank that I will not cause them physical harm. If they want something that breaks the skin they have to find themselves another girl.

I have never had a man climb up off my lap unsatisfied with his experience. And, interestingly enough, I have found this to be a pleasurable experience for me. Yes, I like spanking an adorable male bottom. Now don't get me wrong, I would rather be the one over the knee but I now understand and empathize with that need.

So my partner and I turn tables on one another. We are each held accountable which also adds an interesting dimension to our relationship. However, we never have had an arguement over who gets spanked first, last, or in between. Its not about keeping score.

But just so you understand this is real I will describe the last spanking I gave him. I started out with a handspanking to warm him up. I did enjoy watching his bum turn pink. However I did inform him I was not going to wear out my poor hand. Next he got paddled while over my knee and also got a very nice hairbrush spanking as well. By now his bottom was an absolutely glorious shade of red and you could feel the warmth coming off.

I stood him up in front of me and gave him a kiss and a hug, then lectured him on the next part of his spanking and why he was getting it. Now you must understand that both of us find spanking a turn on whether giving or getting. So I laid him over two pillows on the bed. His protests were getting very noisy I must admit but that is allowed. It is a spanking after all.

We discussed the problem and he got a number of swats with our wonderful wooden bathbrush. And then the final part, I was determined to get him to the point where he understood how wonderful he was and would quit putting himself down. So I used the small, lexan cane we have and with each of the five strokes he had to proclaim how wonderful he was. He did a very good job I must say, of speaking with volume and enthusiasm. And, of course, there was aftercare. Lots of loving, soothing, caring treatment as I have come to expect from him. I am a stickler on the subject of aftercare.

Now for us we also do not delay gratification and love making is part of our lifestyle after spanking. It is amazing and glorious.

So my friends that is how a submissive bottom becomes a submissive, bottom, switch. May not make sense to anyone else but it certainly works for us.

Soul on Fire Fiction-M/f

A Soul On Fire

She rubbed her foot as she stared out the window. Her entire foot
throbbed and her broken toe was an alarming shade of purple. She
sighed deeply and stared out the window.

There was really nothing to look at outside, it was eleven o'clock
and pitch black outside. The street her house faced onto had very
little lighting at night. Which was one reason her husband, Edward,
did not want her walking alone at night. This had been a point of
contention between them for quite awhile. And though Edward was
usually the most easygoing and understanding of men, when it came to
her safety he became totally unyielding in his viewpoint. And once a
decision was made, ignoring that decision would assure that her
ability to sit would be hampered for a day or two. And in fact she
was facing that very fate tonight.

Earlier in the evening, Cindy, an aspiring poet and author had
received the news by email that her first poem had been accepted for
publication. She could scarcely believe it, a dream come true. She
immediately called Edward at work.

"Oh baby", she exclaimed, "you won't believe this, the magazine
accepted my poem, it will be in the next issue."

On his end Edward smiled broadly, he could feel the excitement coming
through the phone. He wasn't surprised at the news. He considered
Cindy a very talented writer and wordsmith. He also knew that this
acceptance meant validation for her. "Hey sweetie, best news I can
imagine but you know I am really not shocked. Delighted yes but not
shocked. You are not only my beautiful lady but my talented lady as
well."

Cindy blushed, "Oh you, what do you know, you're in love with me."
And he heard her giggle that he so loved.

"Young lady are you questioning my taste in poetry? Hmmm we'll have
to see about that." And he laughed as well. "Hey babe got to get back
to work, I'll see you later and how about we celebrate this tomorrow
night?"

Cindy's excitement suddenly sank, "Tomorrow night? Why not tonight?
Oh Edward don't tell me you have to work late again." She stomped her
foot hard and winced. This wasn't fair, it was big news and she
wanted to go out tonight.

Edward sighed as he heard the petulant tone in her voice. His wife
was a strong, smart, creative lady. She was one of the kindest and
most thoughtful people it had ever been his good fortune to meet.
But, very rarely, when things did not go her way, a monstrous brat
emerged that never failed to shock him. He was afraid the killer brat
would be encouraged by her disappointment to make an appearance this
evening. God, he hoped he could head that off. In light of her
wonderful news he didn't want it to be marred by that side of her
personality.

"Babe, I have to work tonight, no choice, you know if I could come
home this very minute I would. But sweetie I do promise that I will
wake you up when I get home and I will most certainly think of some
ways we can celebrate right then and there. And tomorrow night how
about we go to Milo's?" He hoped the promise of his undivided
attention later and her favorite restaurant tomorrow would mollify
her tonight. No such luck.

"Fine," she snapped, "I will celebrate all by myself then." She could
here the tone of her own voice and really didn't like it, a huge part
of her knew that Edward did not deserve this treatment, but that
nasty little brat was nagging away inside her.

Edward, continued on in a very patient but increasingly stern
voice, "Cynthia you will not do anything foolish. I promise we will
celebrate your amazing accomplishment when I get home and tomorrow.
But sweetheart, published or not if you go off half cocked, I will
have to deal with that when I get home instead of sharing champagne
and lots of love." He sighed deeply, God he loved this woman, so much
that it scared him at times. And he would be damned if anyone would
hurt her including herself.

"Fine Edward, now, as I am telling you the best news in a long time,
you are busy threatening me with a spanking instead of celebrating.
How sweet." She got angrier and teary eyed as she began to feel sorry
for herself.

"My love I have to go, I will be home around 11:30. Please don't be
angry, you know I am not doing this on purpose. And please oh please
don't do anything foolish. And Cynthia," his voice intensified,"NO
chocolate, none, under any circumstances, " As he heard her very
impatient "FINE" and the phone firmly hung up, she would never slam
the phone is his ear, he let out a sigh. He would certainly bring the
champagne home with him but he had a feeling he would be toasting
something else entirely.

Cindy paced the living room stomping from end to end like an angry
two year old. She didn't particularly like acting or feeling this way
but DAMN she wanted to celebrate and it just wasn't FAIR that he had
to work tonight.

The reasonable woman within murmured soothing words about how it was
important at times, to give him the support he needed in keeping to
his career track as well. He certainly supported her in the efforts
she made without complaint. But if the smoke billowing out of her
ears was any indication reason was losing to self interest.

As she stomped around, not looking where she was going she kicked her
foot at the floor fan. It never occurred to her how hard a metal
stand would be. As her foot made contact she gasped in pain and fell
to the floor. There was a sudden burning throbbing agony in her left
foot. When she looked she was aghast to find that her two toes were
already swelling and turning an ugly shade of purple. "Now look what
he made me do," she murmured angrily as she sat rocking and holding
her foot.

She was pretty sure she had broken her toe but called the hospital ER
for advice. They urged her to come in for an Xray, the break could be
in the small bones of the foot, but Madame Stubborn was here for a
stay and she refused. Finally the nurse suggested, with a sigh,
taping the toes together. If they were broken that is all they would
do at the hospital anyway. However she did give one last try at
getting Cindy to come in at least tomorrow for an Xray. Cindy
grudgingly agreed and then hung up the phone.

She held her poor foot and cried. God she was frustrated. This had
started out being one of the happiest nights of her life and now it
was turning out to be the worst. She almost called Edward again, oh
she needed the comfort only he could provide, but he would insist on
a trip to the ER right now and no arguing. So she just limped to the
bathroom and got the tape. Before she did anything she grabbed an ice
pack from the freezer and sat on the couch while she iced the foot.
Oh God did she need a piece of chocolate, actually 100 was more like
it. Chocolate was her solace and stress reliever, but it had the
unfortunate habit of doing unpleasant things to her body so Edward
and she had decided long ago that this would be forbidden and subject
to punishment.

Well too bad he wasn't home to make sure she followed the rules now
wasn't it she thought with some satisfaction. She began to search the
cupboards hobbling on her sore foot as her chocolate safari went on
for some time. Nothing, not one candy bar, not one bag of chocolate
chips....OH GOD life was unfair. She plopped down on the sofa and
reapplied the ice. Gazing out the window she noticed the summer night
was now completely covered in darkness. No trace of light remained.

However, the scheming brat remained and she suddenly crossed a line
and made a decision she was going to regret....oh would she ever, but
that thought never entered her mind. "I'll just go to the store and
get some...right now." Never mind that it was pitch black out and the
store was seven blocks away. Never mind that her car was in the shop,
Edward was at work and there was no transportation except walking.
Never mind that her toes and foot were turning more purple by the
minute. Ha, she wanted chocolate, that was how she would celebrate
her success.

She knew she would never get a shoe on her foot so she put on her
flip flops completely forgetting the nurse's instructions to tape her
toes.

She stomped out of the house wincing at each determined step.
However, the longer she walked the madder she got and soon the pain
was furthest from her mind. When she got to the store she picked up a
bag of Hershey's Kisses and a large chocolate almond bar. The kisses
could make up for those Edward wasn't around to bestow because he was
working. At the cash register the cashier looked at her purchases and
said sympathetically, "Rough night huh?". At that Cindy looked up
astonished and burst into laughter. "Yeah you could say that", she
smiled and limped away. Outside the store she tore into the bag of
kisses but was still giggling at the cashier's remark. Her anger was
draining away and her normal sweet good humored self was making a
comeback. She began to limp towards home feeling the throbbing in her
foot with every step.

Suddenly she stopped....Edward. ...what would he have to say about
this. Oh was she in trouble, real trouble, not just the "Cindy I am
so disappointed in you trouble", but rather the "Young lady go to our
room, we are going to discuss this now", trouble.

As she limped home trying to think and plan her way out of the
spanking she surely knew was coming, she stopped as her brain
schemed. Well now certainly he would recognize that she had hurt her
foot badly and, after all, wasn't that punishment enough. Hmmm worth
some thought.

Now while both Cindy and Edward enjoyed the sensual aspects of
spanking, she really did not enjoy getting a punishment spanking in
any way. First of all, Edward was always so incredibly reasonable
that if he insisted on this she knew she deserved it and right now
she was incredibly ashamed of the way she had behaved towards him on
the phone and her ridiculous behavior since then throughout the
evening. Sighing deeply, knowing what was in store she limped the
rest of the way home munching chocolate figuring since she was going
to have a burning bottom anyway, it might as well be worth it.

By the time she reached home her head and stomach were aching from
the chocolate, her toes were throbbing in three quarter time and her
heart was thumping away thinking of the consequence to come.

So here she was watching out the window for her wonderful husband
whom she loved more than anyone or anything in the world and who was
going to paddle her backside until it exploded into flames when he
realized what she had done tonight.

Her reverie was broken by the sound of a car pulling into the
driveway and suddenly she was a very remorseful sinner indeed. So
were the 10,000 butterflies living in her stomach.

Edward's key turned in the lock and there he was, all 6 feet of him
with a bottle of champagne and her favorite purple irises. As he
handed her the flowers, tears ran down her face. "Hey now sweetie,
congratulations are in order, no tears," he reached down to put his
arms round her and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

He pulled back slightly and looked at her with slight
suspicion, "Cindy why do you taste like chocolate?" She looked at him
wide eyed and pleading. He sighed inwardly but remained
insistent. "OK get it over with and tell me now. Don't make me yank
it out of you."

He stood back up and then noticed his wife's purple foot. "Dear God
what happened to you, how did you do this to your poor foot." He sat
down, chocolate forgotten and deep concern written in every line on
his face.

Cindy buried her head in her hands. Oh she felt guilty. What had she
been thinking of. Well the truth was she wasn't thinking, she was
having a tantrum. She faced the ugly truth of this, lifted her tear
stained face and told Edward the whole story. His look went from
incredulous to unbelieving, to incredibly stern.

"Cynthia, let me get all this straight, I am still a little bit in
shock. I could not come home when you wanted because I had to work,
so you had a temper fit, kicked the fan, broke your toe, refused to
go to get treatment, did not do what the nurse told you, walked seven
blocks in the dark alone to get chocolate which you then proceeded to
eat. Have I left anything out?" He crossed his arms over his chest
and stood over her. She suddenly felt very small.

"No you left nothing out," she whispered. OK she had to give it one
try, "But Edward," she began.

He held up his hand, "Don't bother, there are absolutely no excuses
for any of this young lady and you know that well." He sat down next
to her. "Now let me see that foot." As he gently examined it she
winced and gasped. "Well right now it looks as if it is the two toes
but tomorrow I WILL be taking you to the Dr. to be sure." He took the
tape off the table. Gently and slowly he wound the tape around the
toes holding them together lending support and helping to ease the
throbbing.

Without another word he lifted his now quietly weeping wife in his
arms and carried her gently into the bedroom setting her gently on
the bed. "Cynthia", he began and oh she recognized that tone. "We
will now discuss this evening's events." He unbuttoned his shirt
sleeves and rolled them up to his elbow. Cindy tried hard to swallow
the lump in her throat. As he reached down he unsnapped his wife's
jeans. He pushed her shoulders back until she lay on the bed. He
firmly pulled off her jeans and panties. He motioned to her to sit
up and she automatically removed her blouse and bra. Punishment
meant no clothes. As he opened the dresser drawer she dreaded panic
began to grip her.

"Edward, honey, don't you think the foot is punishment enough, it
really really hurts."

He looked back at her, "I am sure it does and I want to make sure you
never do such stupid unthinking things again just because you can't
have your own way. This is so unlike you Cynthia and so beneath you
as a woman of great intelligence. " She realized in her sinking
stomach that this lecturing tone signaled the beginning of what she
had been dreading. "Now I am not going to make you do any corner time
tonight because of your foot, but I do believe I can get my point
across without it. I am very disappointed in the choices you made,
hurting yourself, making yourself ill and taking dangerous risks. I
won't have it and you know that. I love you too much to stand by and
watch this occur." His face looked sad and serious, "We haven't had
to do this for a long time and I hate that it has to be tonight after
your great news and such an amazing accomplishment but, my dear, you
have no one to blame but yourself."

With those words he sat down on the bed, pulled Cindy easily over his
lap. He paused briefly to let the realization set in and then began
spanking her bare bottom with his hand. He spanked hard and rapidly
repeating the words of his lecture..... Young lady, smack
smack....you will never, smack...eat chocolate, many smacks.....go
off in the middle of the night alone, smack smack...ever,
smack...again. .....As he stopped talking he let his hand talk for
him. Cindy felt her backside burning as his hand moved steadily over
every single inch of it. Her eyes which had been previously filled
with tears now began weeping in earnest.

And as disappointed as Edward was in her behavior, he could not help
but be moved by the sight of his wife's lovely derriere which had
gone from pristine white to red fairly quickly.

"OH please stop I do promise, never never again, I am sooooo sorry,
really" the last words were delivered in a voice steadily raising in
pitch. The spanking stopped abruptly and Cindy breathed a sigh of
relief. She could not help squirming, her bottom was on fire. And as
always a spanking from Edward started embers in so many parts of her
body. Before she had time for a second sigh of relief Edward gently
but firmly trapped her legs under his left leg. Oh God he wasn't done.

"I am doing this so you won't kick, that might hurt your foot
further", she had a moment to consider the ridiculous notion that he
was going to much further hurt her backside but was worried about her
foot. And she had forgotten to notice what he had pulled out of the
dresser drawer. It was soon evident. She felt cool wood resting on
her very inflamed bottom and realized the paddling she had been
dreading was about to begin.

"My love I hope you never make me do this again, it gives me no
pleasure, I assure you," and with that he spoke no more. The paddle
lifted and fell with an explosive blast on her reddened skin. She
screamed aloud but it had no effect on what was coming and what she
knew was due her. The paddle rose and fell rapidly from side to side
and then concentrating on the very tender area between her bottom and
thighs. She sobbed and howled until she was hoarse and finally just
lay over her husband's lap crying incoherently. Then it
stopped....She heard Edward sigh and she knew how much he hated doing
this. "Oh baby, why do you do these ridiculous things when you get
mad, I worry so when you hurt yourself. Cindy it hurts me to see you
ill or in pain." She wept softly as he gently massaged her swollen
red bottom. He laid her on her stomach and reached for the jar of
aloe vera lotion. He soothed the burning slightly and ensured he
checked her skin as he applied the lotion.
Then he stretched out next to her on the bed. He held her very close
to him and rubbed her back, "Shhhhh baby, its all over now". He
crooned to her as he would a child. "Its over and you are forgiven. I
wish you had not forced me to do this but Cindy I won't watch you
hurt yourself, not ever my love." He smoothed her hair and then
kissed her forehead and cheek.

"Oh God Edward I am so sorry, you have no idea, I was sorry before I
even got home from the store. I don't know where this brat in me
comes from."

He smiled gently at her, "Now you do know that even though the brat
can't get away with her antics I love her as well, she is part of you
and so she is just as loved, just not as tolerated. And remind that
brat that if she had stayed home tonight this could have been a very
different and more enjoyable spanking for both of us."

Cindy buried her head in his neck, "Edward, thank you, what would I
ever do without you. No one has ever cared about me the way you do. I
love you so and I always will. Thank you for caring for and about me."

"Shhhh all over now baby, I know you love me, I do, lets get ready
for bed. Tomorrow we celebrate my own little poet laureate."

He stood up, went to the dresser and got out her pink nightshirt. She
lay on the bed as he took off the rest of her clothes, slipped the
nightshirt over her head and helped her under the covers. She winced
as the sheet made contact with her throbbing bottom.

He crawled into bed next to her,"And I took the day off tomorrow so
we can celebrate in style my dear. Of course it will be a little on
the sore side for you when we go to dinner. We could always wait for
another day," he looked at her questioningly.

She cuddled as close as she could to him, "Nope I'll pay the price
for my behavior, besides it will make great sense memories for a new
poem."

She loved the sound of his huge laugh, "Oh really and what will this
one be called."

"A Burning in the Bottom of her Soul", she grinned wickedly.
Edward pulled her close with a another booming laugh. He gently
continued rubbing her burning bottom, "God I love you, what a woman."

And later that night he also soothed the burning in her soul as well.

Alternative or Just Us?

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my friends who happens to be gay. We discuss our lives very openly, so he knows what my particular views on relationships are. As we were talking I referred to my spanko/DD view of life as an alternative lifestyle.

To my surprise he vehemently disagreed. "No it is not an alternative lifestyle, not at all." Now this took me by surprise.

"Well yes it is, this is not something everyone embraces and you should understand that because your lifestyle is an alternative as well." For a moment I thought he was going to tell me that my feelings were merely a sexual kink and no more. But that was not where he was going at all.

He explained that calling our lifestyles alternatives indicated that there was a majority lifestyle and that all others were less desirable alternatives to that particular way of doing things. His next comment floored me. "You might as well say Orientals and African Americans are alternative people because they are not Caucasion." I certainly would never consider that even in the realm of possibility.

For the first time I realized I was using terminology that made me feel on the outside looking in at the general population.

He firmly believes that everyone lives the life that is what they want, need, and desire. Furthermore he believes the term alternative is prejudicial. Although no one is positive why, some of us are just wired to want different ways of life.

So I am interested in what others think on this subject. I have stoppped using the term alternative for the time being. What do you think? Are we living an alternative lifestyle or just being ourselves. Is the term alternative lifestyle a predjudicial term or not? I know he refuses to see his "gayness" as an alternative to something else. For him it is his life just as a straight person lives their life.

I would love to hear your opinion. Does that spanking need set us apart in a different classification or is it simply just our way of thinking and feeling.

A Different Perspective

On Friday I took a trip back to a place I had not visited in a long time. My ex husband, who remains one of my best friends, needed help getting his RV up to his uncle's farm to store it until he decides whether to sell it or not. He needed me to follow in his truck so he would have a way to get back home.

I was eager to go, I had not seen the members of his family (and I still consider them my family as well) for a very long time. And I had always enjoyed the farm since I had grown up in the Chicago suburbs. It was only about a three and a half hour ride. It went by very quickly and I felt a stab of nostalgia as I turned down the lane surrounded by cornfields on both sides.

Now bear in mind, I had not revisited the farm since embracing the spanking part of my wiring.
I got out of the truck and stretched my legs and looked around. Roy's sister came out to greet us and we all hugged. It was a lovely reunion and as Roy began unloading the truck I just stood and looked around, taking it all in. I had spent quite a bit of time there in my 20's and my son had always loved visiting.

But as I looked around I started seeing things with different eyes. Yes, everything was still as it had been. The farmhouse was exactly the same as were the outbuildings. The barn, the sheds, and the workshop all looked as they had. Only now I could imagine a very different purpose for them. I swallowed very hard as I imagined myself being taken into the barn for a very stern discussion over a bale of hay. Or perhaps behind the barn over one of the thick logs with my jeans at my ankles. Oh did my busy little spanko mind wander. Of course I was in the company of loving but totally vanilla family. Now Roy knows all about me, even though he is not in possession of this particular kink(or feeling). But I did not share with him the fantasies racing through my mind. Switches and straps certainly dominated the implements scene but it was the places that fired my imagination.

I wonder if anyone can guess what my next visit to Fantasy Land will entail.

Brats And Angels

There are constant discussions on some of the groups I belong to and the one I own about whether we are brats or angels. Now as you know, I am definitely an angel and a purple one at that. But I have no trouble being a brat as well. For you see I know that these words are not actually words but initials that stand for the most delightful part of being a spankee. So just so no one is left out here is the actual true meaning of brat and angel in the truest spanko sense of the word.

B eing
R ight
A ll
T he time

A
N aughty
G girl or guy
E veryone
L oves

There you have it! The controversy is over. We are both brats and angels.

I am thinking of having tshirts made!

Quiz From Bonnie

I do love the quizzes Bonnie posts and this one is right on target (so to speak). For me physical connection and contact is crucial during any spanking but especially during discipline. And being restrained over pillows is also one of my favorite positions. But nothing will ever beat a bare bottom, bare hand, over the knee spanking for intimate contact. You scored as Over the Lap, You enjoy the personal touch and physical intimacy inherent in lying across your spanker's lap. Over the Back of the Couch 100% Over the Lap 100% Tied to the Bed, Propped with Pillows 92% The Diaper Position 67% The Bent-Over Ankle Grab 33% What is My Favorite Spanking Position? created with QuizFarm.com

You're Mine

You're Mine
His horse walked slowly through the melting ice and snow. Neither of them was in any hurry. They had come all the way out to the far edge of town. He knew he would find her especially because he had expressly forbidden her to come here today.
Yep, there was a wisp of grayish smoke coming from the pipe on top of the old shack. It stood on the shore of the small pond used in warmer weather for bathing and boating.
He smiled and shook his head. Damn that woman was stubborn and damn if that wasn't one of the things he loved about her.
He pulled in the reins on his beloved Appaloosa who was far more obedient than the woman he expected to marry. He patted his horse affectionately and tied him to the small hitching post.
As he approached the door he lifted his hand to knock and stopped....a grin spread across his face. He thought the element of surprise might well be in order.
He slowly and quietly opened the door and almost gasped. Dear God there she was in all her glory with just a blanket separating them.
She turned quickly at the sound of the door and her eyes flashed sparks, "What the hell are you doing here."
"Now you watch your mouth Miss. I am here because I had a feeling you would ignore what I told you just this morning. “He gulped as he saw her lovely under things drying on the line. Her dress, petticoats and bloomers were folded neatly on the small table.
"You have no right to tell me what to do or not to do", she spoke in her loftiest tones. But she pulled the blanket closer around her body, sat down on the small stool and began drying her hair.
He shook his head as he removed his hat and gun belt. These were placed next to her clothing. "I told you it was far too cold to be bathing in the pond. Its plum crazy woman, you could have killed yourself before I ever got around to marrying you."
She threw the towel down and turned her fury directly towards him. "Marry me, Ha! I am not marrying a Dom ever. And I will bathe where and when I want." Her blanket slipped slightly off her shoulders which she did not notice but he most certainly did.
She would never admit to him that he had been 100% right, when she first immersed herself in the water the shock of the cold made her feel faint. It had been a very foolish and ill advised idea. But he would never know that.
Once again he shook his head and the calm look on his face was replaced by a stern and set jaw, "Oh yes ma'am you are going to marry me and you will do as I say or pay the price. I have never heard of such stupidity as bathing outside in freezing weather. I mean to be sure you never take such risks with yourself again."
She tossed her dark, silky hair over one shoulder and gave him a look of utter disdain, “Pay the price? What the hell are you talking about and how dare you call me stupid you ...you...ignorant cowpoke."
That was it; the next part of this discussion was l! long over due. He gently took her wrist and pulled her up off the stool ignoring the look of shock on her face and in her eyes.
He sat down quickly on the stool and easily pulled her over his lap. Her squirming and struggling did not affect him in the least. His tall, rangy body was well muscled and her soft, rounded, feminine body was no match.
She shrieked loudly, "Let me go you bastard , NOW!"
He left the blanket covering her back but pulled the lower edge up exposing her very shapely bottom. He brought his hand down on her backside five times in quick succession. "I aim to teach a few lessons today one of which is to clean up that mouth of yours." Five more swats landed on her tender flesh.
Her legs kicked and she screamed back, "Let me go, you can't do this."
His face was calm and somewhat grave, “Well there ain't anyone here to stop me so I reckon I can”. He began to spank her very hard indeed, his callused palm crashing down on rapidly reddening skin. As he spanked he noticed the bluish white tinge from her icy bath. "And", he continued, "When I forbid something you will pay mind to what I say. Especially when it is for your safety." This was accompanied by severe spanks to the tender division between cheek and thigh.
She began to feel her resolve disappearing and words she never intended to say came pouring out. "OH God you are right, please stop...I never should have gotten in the water." This was accompanied by gasps, ouches, yelps and many promises to be good.
He slowly stopped spanking her, appreciating the sight of her flaming backside. He had never had her over his knee before and it felt so right. He rubbed gently over the punished skin. She moaned softly as he fed the other burning that had awakened in her. He noted this with satisfaction and stood her on her shaky feet. She pulled the blanket around herself. He looked steadily in her eyes as he pulled the belt out of the loops of his jeans.
Panic filled her wet, teary eyes, "No, “she whispered. He steered her to the table, quickly bent her over and took the blanket away, dropping it to the floor. He leaned close to her ear and whispered, "You are mine now and always. This will help you remember." He doubled his belt and gave her five firm swats across the middle of her red, swollen bottom. She grabbed the edge of the table and let out a shriek with each one. He leaned close again, “Say it, I want to hear you say it and mean it."
Her eyes closed as she felt the warmth suffuse her body. Her stubborn resolve was gone; oh she had never felt this way. His hand rubbing across her back and bottom made her shiver, but not from cold. "Yes" she whispered, I am yours, all yours."
"You will do as I say?"
"Yes....always,” she gasped.
He grinned at that, sure they would have to discuss this further in the future.
He pulled her up and held her bare body to his giving her his warmth. After a moment he pulled back and gazed into her lovely face, wiping away tears, and pushing her hair back from her face.
"Now get yourself dressed so I can get you back to town and take care of your bottom and other matters as well. He ran his hands back over her inflamed bottom, his fingers trailing down the division in the middle. He pulled her to him even harder and kissed her mouth as he continued ministering to her punished skin." He heard her moan and noted with pleasure, the dampness his hand encountered as he gently stroked down lower.
Oh she had never known such feelings, such pleasure. His touch ignited every spot it touched. He stopped and pulled away. "I do think that's enough for you right now young lady, at least until we get you home, so I can warm you properly." She smiled shyly. "Besides we have to announce our engagement."
Sometime later, as the horse slowly picked his way down Main St. there were many surprised glances at the sight of the tamed Brat in the arms of her loving Dom.
As they approached her lovely house he nuzzled close once more, "Never forget darlin, you're.....
"Mine", they both said in unison.

Why is a crooked letter

When I began having this tremendous need and desire to be spanked, I was relatively young and living in very abusive household. I was abused in many different ways but never spanked. Spanking came to represent caring, loving discipline, in my mind, after I read a few romance novels. Still I felt I was a mighty strange person to desire that someone talk to me sternly, pull down my panties and spank my bottom red.

I am turning 56 this month and I have only been exploring this lifestyle for about three years. Quite a dry spell. And for that matter if my younger brother had not bought me a used computer so I could more efficiently work on my writing, I would still be laying awake at night wondering why I was the weirdest woman on earth. The internet opened up the world to me the first time I typed spanking into a search engine.

I joined groups, drooled over pictures, and gasped at online movies. It was on the internet that I met the man who gave me what I consider my first real spanking and also introduced me to the fact that I might like to give as well as receive. All of this was wonderful but there was still a burning question in my mind. WHY? Why in the world did I crave this so. And make no mistake, I could recognize it as a craving, not just something I felt I might like to play around with. Now I wasn't the only one asking why. On most groups I belonged to posts would be written time and again puzzling over this question. Why do I want to give or get spankings or both. Oh we came up with one hypothesis after another.

Many of us were survivors of childhood abuse, perhaps that was the key, abused children crave loving spankings. Ah but what about those who had great childhood experiences and wonderful, caring parents. Alright how about many of us having absentee fathers or being adopted, there seemed to be a large number of those folks as well. No, that one didn't work either, many spankos had great relationships with their dads and lived with their birth parents growing up. We tried looking at who had and hadn't been spanked as children. But we couldn't find a common factor there either.

I finally started understanding what was going on. I delight in spanking for the same reason I am left handed. It is part of my brain wiring. No, that is not a scientific conclusion with any data to back it up except my gut instinct that this is the way it is. Just as different people in this lifestyle want different types of experiences. There is no why, it just is.

So instead of puzzling over why I started looking at what. What do I want, how do I want to be spanked, what part should it play in any relationship in my life. This began to make some sense of it all for me.

First of all I love being spanked and I am discovering I enjoy spanking others. One part of this that does not exist for me is cruelty. I don't want to be spanked that way and I never, ever spank anyone in a cruel or uncaring manner.

I need discipline spankings for a number of reasons. They help keep me on track and accountable. When I am accountable I tend to take care of the serious health issues I have, and I definitely watch out for my finanaces. They also serve a therapuetic purpose in being spanked for events in my past I am still guilty about and need to be spanked for, actually deserve to be spanked for.

When I spank another person I feel I am providing what they need and want. I am careful to understand their expectations of the spanking and what they want it to accomplish.

As for other spankings, I haven't found one I didn't love. I think Just Because spankings are the best. After all what better reason is there then Just Because I need to have it or he needs to give it. Play spankings are lots of fun and a chance to let yourself be silly and spanked at the same time.

As for erotic spankings, well, they are exquisite. All those sensations at once. The pain and pleasure so intermingled you don't know where one stops and the other begins. I will also admit that any spanking I get becomes erotic for me eventually. That is just how my body responds. I see no problem with that and I love having spanking as part of love making.

So you see I have given up the quest for why. It started to be too much like the discussion of angels dancing on the head of a pin. I would much rather wonder about when the next spanking is coming and what is he going to use on my bottom. It is also a kick to plan when I am spanking him next, for what reason, and just how I am going to make him squirm.

As the title said, Y is a crooked letter and in my opinion is best left that way.

Spanking-An Acrostic Poem

S submissive or dominant, still feel the need.

P ain and pleasure intermingled

A always a sensual experience

N never abuse, never cruel or mean

K kept in your mind, a part of who you are.

I individual needs differ one from the other.

N naughty but nice often how you are seen.

G ot there, staying there, always a part of me

It took me until I was 53 to finally accept and embrace all of this.No, I won't be turning back anytime soon. Although sometimes I do feel like I live in two worlds. Truly can't give up the vanilla part,there are too many people I care about and love. But keeping it all separate is sometimes difficult.In trying to explain all of this to one of my best friends, it seemed at first she could accept it but not really understand my need. Couldn't blame her, took me a long time to get it. But it eventually began to bother her more and more and for the sake of our friendship we had to agree never to discuss it again.

Outdoor Fantasy-Part 2

He pulled me up from the picnic table and hugged me very hard, his hands caressing my bottom and back. "How about a swim?" Once again that very wicked grin. I began unbuttoning his shirt. "Oh no sweetie, I meant you."



"You mean alone?" I looked around the entire area we were in. It was deserted. But for how long? "What if someone comes by, I will never have time to get out and get dressed. And the water is not very deep." I was beginning to feel a bit panicky.



"Now this is not open for discussion", he began unbuttoning my blouse. "That cool water will feel so very good on your bottom and I will set out our lunch." Before I knew it my blouse and bra were off and he was leading me by the hand to the water. I had a hunch there was more to this than just kindness about a dip in cool water but he was right it would feel good.



I slowly wandered into the stream. When I reached the middle it was about up to my waist and the cool water on my tingling skin was fantastic. I forgot all about others watching and began to splash the water on myself. I loved it. I dunked under the water and paddled around a bit even though it was shallow. I stood up and shook my hair noticing the water sparkling on my skin. When I looked towards the shore there was my husband watching me with a very intense look on his face. "Come here baby", he motioned with his hand. I reached back and rubbed my wet bottom. Turning around quickly I could see what a lovely pink color it had faded too. Perfect for eating lunch.



I waded out and asked for a towel. He smiled and told me to turn around. When I did I quickly found myself blindfolded. For a moment I felt the panic I always do and then relaxed, he knew how to use blindfolding to increase the intensity of any experience. I was told to get on my hands and knees which I did immediately. I could see nothing but could feel the soft grass and ground cover, smell the plants, and hear the water. My body was still wet when I felt the gentle slap against my bottom of our leather flogger. What an exquisite sting! Gentle yet intense. And the blindfold only heightened the feelings. Soon I could feel his hands on my bottom and between my legs. Touching, caressing, gently slapping, such excitement it made my head spin.

He lifted me to my feet and held me against his body. The blindfold was removed and I saw he had set the table with our lunch. I also noticed a pillow on one of the benches and smiled at his thoughtfulness. Wooden benches and spanked backsides just don't go well in fantasy land. I reached for my clothes but he slowly shook his head. Again the panic, what if someone came along, but yet the thrill of doing something so incredibly naughty.

We sat side by side and cuddled, kissed, and laughed our way through lunch. I squirmed on the pillow relishing the stinging of my bum on the pillow. The wine he had brought was my favorite and after two glasses I was feeling very bold indeed. The cooler in the picnic basket was filled with melted ice water and my inner brat so wanted to be in on the fantasy. Before I even gave it a second thought I dumped half the contents of the cooler down his shirt and giggled wildly at the look of indignation on his face.

"So feeling frisky are you my dear, well I think lunch is now officially over and you are definitely in for another sesssion for that stunt."

Still feeling bold and more than just a touch tipsy I stuck out my tongue and said, "Oh no, I want dessert."

A slow smile spread over his face, "Oh dessert? Yes I think that is a great idea too. Definitely you need dessert." He took my arm and gently lead me from the table to a nearby group of trees and bushes. He held my arm and seemed to be surveying the whole area.

"Ok where is dessert, all I see are trees and bushes." A very ill advised remark as events would have it.

"You my sweet are dessert but first this particular concoction needs to be heated up again. Now you see trees and bushes, I see switches."

I tried pulling away but to no use, "Wait it was just a joke, the water is already almost dry." I looked around in a panic. "Besides none of these switches look very good." I gave him my best come hither smile. "I can think of so many more enticing ways to spend our time outdoors."

"So can I my dear, but first naughty brats get switched." He stood me against a large tree and turned me around so I faced it. "Now don't you move," and I didn't except to hug the tree and hope he was just kidding around because of the joke I had played on him. However I was wrong and soon I looked around to see him standing behind me with a wicked switch.

"Noooo this isn't part of the fantasy, I am really sorry for the ice water, but you did look funny you know", I couldn't help giggling.

He smiled back, "Well its part of my fantasy and since the park closes soon I intend to fufill it immediately." He drew back his arm and I heard the swish just before I felt the bite. My hands grasped the tree. The burn of the switch was incredible.

After four strokes he stopped to caress the welts on my bottom, "Still feeling naughty?"

I shook my head no and looked at him through tear filled eyes, "I am sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

He rubbed for a bit longer, "No you certainly should not have, but you have given me so much pleasure today that I think this lesson has been learned."

I immediately went into his open arms and was held up against his body. We kissed and hugged each caressing the other. His excitement was as obvious as mine. But the unfortunate truth was the park had certain rules to be obeyed and the rest of dessert would have to wait until we got home. As he packed up the picnic basket I put on my clothing wincing as I pulled my shorts over my sore bottom but still loving the feeling.

As we walked towards the entrance to our fantasy get away I nuzzled his shoulder. "Thank you love for making my fantasy happen. It was everything I ever dreamed of."

He kissed my hair, "Then it is all that much better that I bought a season ticket isn't it?"

Outdoor Fantasy Land-part 1

I have never been spanked outdoors so this is still totally in the realm of fantasy. However, I do believe this is one that could come true. First of all places like forest preserves and large wooded parks offer opportunities to experience this. And, yes, that slight chance you might get caught makes it all the more exciting.

So here we are at Spanking Fantasy Land in the outdoor spanking section. There are wooded areas, lakeside areas(watch out for the sand), prairie areas(prairie grasses grow over ten feet high, and plenty of benches, tables, and fallen logs. Why there might even be an old woodshed or two.

My guy and I take our picnic basket to one of the densely wooded areas near a small stream. There is a picnic table and we stop there to have some lunch. I begin to unpack but he stops me. "Appetizers first" and oh what a wicked grin.

He takes the blanket we have brought and lays it on the edge of the table. Before I know it I am bent over the table with my shorts down to my ankles. He doesn't like me to wear panties so I don't unless it is an absolute necessity.

I can feel him rubbing my back and my bottom. I am told to spread my legs and soon can feel his hands there as well. I gasp out, "What if we get caught?"

He shrugs, "Oh just a chance we have to take."

Then he leans over and whispers (I am a big fool for whispers), "you do know what I want to do don't you?"

Oh God do I and I want it too. He is going to spank me. And if he doesn't I will make a total fool of myself begging him to. I hear him rummaging in the picnic basket.

"Your bottom is far too white, you need some roses in those cheeks." He begins using his hand to gently smack my bottom from side to side. It is more like sensual massage than spanking right now. However as he continues the smacks get more intense and begin to sting. Every so often he stops to rub and caress while describing what a beautiful color my skin is turning. My bottom squirms and I have my head pillowed on my hands. I can feel the excitement in the pit of my stomach.

But I see him lift the paddle out of the basket. I let out a slight whimper of both excitment and a tinge of fear. That paddle stings. After a few kisses on my neck and ears, he runs his hand over my pink skin. He rubs the cool wood of the paddle over it in circles and then I feel it lift.

The paddle lands with a crisp smack and he is delighted with the results. He continues paddling as I start moving my feet up and down to the rhythm and occasionally yelping from the sting.

After each yelp he stops to rub but then begins again. Soon I begin to feel myself getting lost in sensation. The beautiful woods, the stream running by, the sounds of birds all disappear. All that is left is the exquisite sting of the paddle on my skin. Tears begin to run out of my eyes as much from emotion as pain.

The paddle stops and I feel him reach over to kiss my punished skin gently. I also know he can tell how excited I am as he strokes between my legs.

"Sweetheart, this is hardly over is it." He feels my legs shaking as I nod. His hand holds me tight around the waist to make sure I don't fall.

Soon he is kissing and caressing everywhere. I know there is more in that basket than lunch. I certainly hope no one else shows up.

Fantasy Land

No the man in my life does not look a thing like this. But I do love the picture. Hmm a demonic spanking, can't help wondering how different that would be. My busy little spanko brain conjures up all sorts of details. However, obviously, this one remains in the realm of fantasy land.

Imagine that, a fantasy land for spankos. Sort of a kinky Disney Land. It absolutely boggles the mind.

Although I enjoy fun spanking in all sorts of situations my partner and I have decided that maybe some fantasies should remain in that Disney Land of the mind.

So I am wondering....what fantasies do you think are reasonable to fufill and which should be mind candy?

Hopefully I will get some responses. My next post will be fantasies that I would love to have come true. Can't wait to share them!

Spanking Yourself or Ouch, thanks me I needed that

Taming The Inner Brat by Dr Fraulein Franklspankl This book marked the beginning of New Authoritarianism, the backlash against the current over-liberal childrearing culture. An essential handbook for adults damaged by years of wishy washy hippie parenting, and who still suffer from tantrums if they can't have their own way. Contains a special chapter on how to give yourself a good spanking and send yourself to bed without any supper. Love and That by the Economy Psychology Press

I practice self spanking although it is always directed by one of two people. I am not allowed to spank myself without their guidance. This is primarily because I tend to be way to angry with myself and thus too hard. When I saw the listing for this book I was intrigued. I may have to get it just to find out what they think about self spanking and how it is done. Now really how hilarious is that description and that author!

Some Tips on Self Spanking

1. Make sure you are in a reasonable position. This just doesn't work like being spanked by another person. I also believe you should have someone helping to direct it, but that is just me.

2. Choose implements you can use with some effect. I find it hard to use a belt or strap on my bottom since I just can't see where I am swinging and usually can't do it hard enough. I think paddles and brushes work best for self spanking.

3. Decide (with or without your partner) just how severe this self punishment needs to be. Some ways of increasing the intensity are wetting or oiling your bottom, using substances in your bottom such as toothpaste or Ben Gay that cause no harm but definitely make you feel punished. I have also been spanked between my legs. As a punishment you need to be extremely careful as this is a sensitive area, but it does add intensity to a spanking.

4. If you do this on your own without direction don't forget your own aftercare. You don't want your backside to develop callused skin and you also need to be soothed and cared about even if you are the one doing the soothing and caring.

5. If you work with a partner try to use the phone instead of IM or email. It really helps to hear the lecture rather than read it. I think it also helps if he can hear the spanking being administered. In this situation aftercare should also not be neglected.

6. Understand that self spanking is, for most people, always going to be second best. But it is better than no option at all.

7. If you are considering this you may want to practice with positions in which you can reach your backside with maximum swat and minimum arm twisting. Figure out which position of your body works best for you.

Spanking Agreements

This agreement is one I had with a previous spanking relationship. Both of us were far too casual to get into a legal type document so this worked very well for us. Now I have used a similar list with the person who I currently am in a spanking and romantic relationship with and we switch so our wording is a bit different.

You may wonder why we even bothered making a list. Well, first of all I taught for 28 years and teachers make lists of everything. Secondly it took out a lot of the gray areas and really defined what he would and wouldn't tolerate when it came to serious punishment. Since I was just starting out at the time it helped me feel more comfortable with the whole process. But, I still think defining expectations is helpful to any relationship.

Spanking Agreement

One thing to keep in mind is that I wrote this a man who was 100% top. I think you see though that this could be adjusted to any relationship and partnership. As I said each couple must make up their own rules. I do believe that. Spankings are never given in the heat of anger, and may include waiting time. Once forgiveness is given the incident is not brought up again.


Good Behavior Spankings
Kisses, hugs, carresses, and anything else I can think of. Your hands where we both want them, on my soon to be rosy cheeks! Usually will accompany erotic activity.

Surprise or Just Because

One of us has a need to spank or be spanked. While it is bare bottom it is playful and fun. Usually a hand spanking but implements are not out of the question. Definitely a form of foreplay and mutually beneficial. May be the outcome of teasing or harmless bratting.

Naughty Spankings
Definitely more severe, may start with a hand but usually use an implement as well. some of the clothes may be left on. And of course, as with all worthwhile spankings, over the knee or other vulnerable postions. May include a short lecture.They are painful but not overly so. These are examples of naughty behaviors. Aftercare should also follow a naughty spanking.
1. Nagging
2. An over abundance of smart ass remarks
3. Anything else you think is naughty but not bad

Bad Behavior Spankings
1. Allowing strangers in the house.
2. Not eating meals or checking blood sugar
3. Overloading sugars-no explanation needed I think includes chocolate
4. Stubborn refusal to take care of oneself(such as going to the Dr)
5. Financially irresponsible(although usually not on purpose)
6. Putting yourself down or being rude to others
These are serious punishment spankings. Clothes are removed. Severe lecturing before and during spanking. Spankee must tell why they are being spanked. Is done in any position the spanker favors. The hand and at least two implements are used. Crying does not necessarily stop the spanking. It stops when the spanker is satisfied the lesson has been learned. These spankings cause pain and a very hot stinging bottom but never cut or destroy skin. However should leave painful stinging for several days. Aftercare is essential and the spankee must be reassured that all is forgiven. The spanker should also be reassured that they are appreciated and be thanked for providing correction.

Just as a footnote sensual, erotic activity may follow any spanking if both parties consent.
Implements we used: brush, bath brush, paddles, belt, wooden spoon, scraper, thick ruler,spatula, and of course that favorite....a hand

An addition-Focus Spankings
If the spankee continues to repeat errors the spanker may decide that spankings to focus attention on a regular schedule may be given. These would be especially helpful in a process like weight control or stopping a bad habit. Focus spankings are a form of firm, no nonsense spanking but not really punishment.
We substituted the word focus for maintenance. Maintenance sounds too much like a household chore!
I would be interested in anyone's opinion or other ideas.