Ghost of Spankings Yet to Be

This weekend my big brother is coming to visit me. I truly can't wait to see him. But if you read my blog you know part of his visit is taking care of some unfinished business that occurred about a month ago. While I don't feel it is necessary to explain what I did that was wrong, suffice it to say it was a very serious matter. And while I did get spanked over the phone, self spanking at his direction, we both agreed that for my peace of mind and to really bring home the point that this must never happen again, I needed a real spanking when I saw him.

Although he and his wife did attend GC's lovely house party, that is not the time for this kind of spanking. First of all, it is always private and secondly my focus was on my SO and not on dealing with what I was due for very poor judgement and carelessness. The matter had to wait.

Now waiting, in my opinion, is sometimes part of the spanking that can be extremely painful. You know you are in trouble, you feel guilty, you have let yourself and others down, and you broke your word never to do it again. At that point I so want that spanking so I can be forgiven and so I can begin to forgive myself.

Well the waiting is almost over and I do know what to expect. My brother has given my real and serious spankings before. I think first it is important to know what I don't expect and will never get. I won't be humiliated, but I may feel embarrassed. I won't be sent off to stand alone in a corner but I will be expected to read aloud the letter I sent him detailing what I had done and how I felt it needed to be handled. I won't be beaten but I will certainly be soundly spanked. I won't have a safe word, but I will be totally safe and cared about.

As for what I know will happen, he will spank me and it will hurt. My mindset will not be in pleasure mode, it will be focused on the fact that I did something potentially harmful to myself. His lecture will be in a soft voice but I assure you the tears will flow before he is done. I know I will get a loving hug before this all starts and I can be assured I will get hugs when it is over but there is that in between time.

When my older brother spanks me, he often does some lecturing and questioning during the spanking. I believe it helps me stay centered in the present situation and why it is happening. So he may ask if this is what I feel I deserve, is this what I need. He may remind me of what happened or ask me to remind him. This is a bit tough to do when you are crying hard. And I will have no say in the intensity, duration, or implements. I trust him with all of that.

What I can count on is an extremely red bottom that will sting and burn for quite awhile. I can also count on loving aftercare, big hugs, and total unconditional forgiveness. So although I know when I see him unbuckling his belt part of me will be saying, "Oh no", and the other part saying, "Yes please".

Hopefully my visit with the ghost of spankings present will prevent a visit from the ghost of spankings yet to be. One can always hope.