Self defining

I posted a poll on the blog about how you define yourself in the spanking lifestyle. In my opinion this is an area people really get stuck on. I know it has tripped me up in the past. And once you get labeled it is really tough to get that sticker off.

When I first opened my eyes and mind to the possibility that I could have what I always wanted, I had no idea of what the options were for a woman in the world of spanking. So I believed what I first learned, that I was a bottom. Since I also have a submissive side, it made sense to me that I was a submissive bottom. Therefore it followed that I would be looking for a relationship with a Dominant top. It never occured to me that there were many options available.

My good fortune was that the first real spanking was from a top who also liked being spanked as well. I wouldn't really call him a switch but he did teach me how to play on both sides of the lap. As my experiences grew I met men who were actually bottoms and wondered if I would spank them. My first response was an internal one. How could I spank someone for correction when I was a bottom? But another part of me empathized so much with someone who needed and wanted a real spanking. I knew that longing and how it felt to not have anyone to provide it. Plus I am a pretty good actress in a community theatre kind of way, and thought I could play the role. So my life as a switch began.

Now I was a bottom, submissive, and a switch. Three labels that seemed somewhat contradictory. At this time my spankings, both giving and taking, had all been with men. It never entered my mind that I would spank or be spanked by women.

As my spanko experiences evolved and I met more people I began to realize that we are all wired in unique ways. I learned from many, especially my older brother, friends I made at parties, and my sweet GC. My experiences have become incredibly varied. I have disciplined my honorary "niece" when she needs it, both in person and on the phone. Having this part in her life only increases how close I feel to her. Playing with my wonderful friends Cheryl and Cigi was strictly a girl's sleep over fun spanking activity. And I love them both as well, they are the best.

GC and I both switch and are learning all the time how to please each other. I find this part of my spanking education pure pleasure. He is a wonderful spanker, and it is obvious we both find pleasure in pleasing each other. I expect to continue being an attentive student.

Oh and the parties I have played at are an education all in and of themself. All the implements I thought I would never try and have now tried and enjoyed were mostly through party experiences. I love leather, wood, and yes, even lexan if it is used for play. Being caned by someone that knew exactly what he was doing was an eye opener in more ways than one.

So I have evolved from a submissive bottom to a bottom switch with a submissive streak and the ability to be a dommy mommy when the situtation calls for it (disclaimer:my older brother came up with that term and it never fails to get a laugh). The only thing I simply cannot do is be mean, harsh, or degrading to another person. If that is what they want they have to find another girl.

As a teacher I never did like labeling children, as a spanko I don't know that we need all the labels except at a party so you know who you might want to play with. But even there it takes time to get to know the person and find out if your needs and desires match up.

So how do you feel about labels and defining yourself in this wonderful and unique way of life?