We Are Not One Size Fits All

I wanted to share a letter I wrote to a man I only saw a few times. You will understand why when you read the letter. My purpose in sharing this is to reassure anyone that is entering this lifestyle, that we are all different. Being an individual is part of being human. I really don't want to be dehumanized and in this relationship I felt I was losing myself if I permitted the treatment he expected. I would be interested in any opinions on this.
Hugs,
Purple Angel

Dear*****
I have come to a decision. I spent most of the night arriving at it and gave it very careful consideration. I am also reasonably sure you will not agree with my reasoning but I am sure you will respect it.

My decision is that we cannot continue in a Dominant/Submissive relationship. I am happy to remain interested in each other's writing and to help out/attend the writing conference. I will give you my reasons but thought you should know my decision first in case you just wanted to skip the whys and wherefores.

First of all, I think part of it is a basic incompatibility in our personality type. At least in your Dominant role you are very rough and harsh. I had a chance to compare how you related to me and how you related to other women you knew at the conference. They were treated respectfully, given hugs and smiles, and talked to in a totally different way. I felt disrespected at times and I know you don't understand why. I don't want to be called a bitch even if you consider it a compliment. I am not a chicken and don't want to be called one anytime I don't agree with doing something you suggest. It hurts me to be treated like this.

I have no problem being Submissive but I don't think that means I have to feel demeaned in any way. I think a Submissive has the responsibility and privelege of yielding to her Dominant while he has the responsibility and privelege of caring for and about her, respecting her as a human being, and cherishing the person who is putting a great part of her life in his hands.

Yes, you deliver a very good, efficient and thorough spanking. No doubt about it. It is a good thing I remembered to put lotion on since you do not do that, so that my skin can heal properly. I have never had a Dom not use lotion or oil as part of aftercare. If that is your way I respect it but I need to feel cared about. It seems to me that aftercare for you is a short step before moving on to sexual contact. It seems that my psyche needs more than that. And I must admit it still disturbs me that you made me cry just because you wanted to accomplish that as a goal. Your very words were mission accomplished. But yet you never wanted to comfort me for the reasons I was crying and in fact you never asked what they were.

During my process of decision making I have gone to various blogs and sites and read what Dominants and Submissives have to say on these subjects. There is a wide variance in people's feelings as I thought there might be. So none of this is meant as a criticism, merely a way to express my feelings on how we relate to each other.

The other evening you kept saying we would learn more about each other as we went along. But I was trying to tell you about me then and there and you dismissed all I had to say. Basically you blamed me for not really being a submissive, topping from the bottom etc. I know that none of that is true. Just because we do not fit well together does not mean there is something wrong with me.

My guess is T****** is probably a far better fit with your personality and responses. Although I can't know that for sure either, that certainly seems to be the case.

So here you are, I am not pussyfooting around at all. This will be best I think for both of us in the long run. After all there could never be a relationship between us and I am not sure you really understand my need for one.

In any case thank you for the time you spent and for making me feel sexually desirable. I appreciate your efforts in helping me make wise decisions about my dietary habits. And I most certainly respect your intelligence and writing ability. I am hoping you will let me continue to read your novel.

Best wishes,

Puzzling Adventure

Free Photo Puzzle Maker

Well since I cannot get to sleep I thought I would try to find something amusing that might tire me out. I don't know if this will come through but I thought I would give it a try.

Oh and as to why I can't sleep, more about that tomorrow.

A letter of gratitude

I decided to share a letter I wrote to my "older brother". I know I have written about him a number of times but it was important to me to share with him the difference he has made in my life. You can see by the picture in the upper right hand corner how I can now feel strong and in control of my life, the second picture is really a good depiction of how I used to view the world. And of course, spanking is a part of our brother/sister relationship. And that is what our relationship is about. We may not have been born into the same families but I will never regret the day he wanted to help me get my life in order and find my strengths as opposed to focusing on my weaknesses. As you can tell by the spanking picture, I am never afraid of him and he never treats me in a harsh or cruel manner. His spankings are also a gift of love and as such I know he wants me always to be the best I can.

To my dear brother,

After our conversation this morning I spent some time thinking about the difference you have made, not just in my life, but in many lives.You are not only a father to F. but you helped C. find himself as well. Each life you touch also touches others. Your part in my life has had a lasting effect on GC's life even though he may not realize it. Every woman that so willingly answers to you has an impact on other lives. You are part of that impact as well.

So here I am, happier than I have ever been in my life. I am able to not only embrace the person I am but truly love what that person is becoming. And I have many people in my life that have made huge differences but none has even come close to how your presence has impacted on me, and not just my bottom.

You taught me that true beauty is what comes from within, not always what is viewed on the outside. Never once have you spoken to me in a way that made me feel unloved or unworthy. Even in my worst moments you always make me feel loved, worthwhile, and deeply cared about.

I know how much this has meant to me and the fact that you give so much of yourself to so many and still found time for me will always be met with true love and gratitude from all the parts of me. Whether its the eight year old, the sixteen year old, or the fifty six year old does not matter. You gave me a gift I never thought would be mine. A gift beyond price or measure. I now have an older brother looking after me, helping me make smart decisions based on where I am going, and not where I have been.Thank you today and every day for such unselfish and caring gifts.

Your little sister

The Lusty Month of May

If any of you saw the movie or the play Camelot you would recognize the title of this blog as one of the songs from the movie. It is also the theme of the party my Yahoo group is having next weekend.

While I am very excited I am also very nervous. I have had lots of parties in my life but none of them included spanking. It is kind of a small party, about 20 people. We are having it at a hotel and I really think everyone will have a great time.

One of the interesting things about spanking parties is the need for gender balance. Now my party started out to be a chance for people belonging to the same group to meet in real life. As such I was not about to kick the guys out to achieve gender balance. But many spanking groups will keep a balance of single women and single men. Couples never are a problem.

But what has occured to me lately is that I doubt anyone is taking into account the number of men and women who are Tops, Bottoms, and Switches. There is almost a set in cement thought process labeling all men as Tops, and all women as Bottoms. And no one knows where to put the Switches.(and no I don't mean the ones that grow on willow trees). After all wouldn't the balance be more about how many Tops and Bottoms. And I think Switches should really be encouraged to attend since they play both ways.

It is a tricky business that's for sure, but I am hoping this next weekend works out well. In my mind that means we all get to know each other, anyone who wants a spanking gets at least one, and anyone wishing to give a spanking gets that option also. If my guess is correct, however, everyone should have more than one opportunity.

And I assure you, I may be running the party but I plan on having a wonderful time as well. My wonderful GC is going to be there and my "older brother", so what more could a girl ask for? Well being the greedy spanko I am, I honestly am looking forward to playing with some gentlemen I have never had the pleasure of playing with before.

Happy Earth Day

http://www.care2.com/send/preview/1111-8152-42918-2275

Sorry there is no spanking in this one but it is one of my favorite songs and especially appropriate for earth day.

Hugs,
Purple Angel

Changing Roles

When I started on this journey I thought of myself as a submissive spankee. It never even occured to me to spank anyone else. Those of you who have read my experience with my first spanking know that I was introduced to being the spanker by the man who spanked me. Although he considers himself a Dom, he also likes to be spanked as well.
The first time I tried it, I thought it was interesting but, again, I really didn't see myself in this role. As I got to know more people with the same interest that I had, namely spanking, I met many with the same problem I had. There was no one they could find to spank them. Since most of us have been in that situation at one time or another we all understand the frustration and how overwhelming the need can be at times.
So one of my friends asked if I would spank him. He wanted and needed a disciplinary spanking. Well, I figured I could do a decent enough job. I had done a lot of community theatre and can play a role. I agreed to do it but only with implements I was totally comfortable using, I did not want to cause any unintentional harm.
The session went very well and he was pretty impressed. When he first saw me he said I was kind of small as were my hands. I assured him looks could be deceiving. My hands are small but they do spank quite firmly depending on the situation. He also appreciated the fact that I did nothing demeaning to him and although I was stern, I was not cruel or mean.
He did leave my house with a very red backside and after many hugs. I am a stickler on aftercare for both spanker and spankee. As I reflected on the afternoon I realized there was a certain satisfaction in not only helping out a friend but in being the top. After all I was definitely the dominant person in every classroom I taught. A submissive teacher would have nothing but chaos. I also was absolutely sure that I could not be a harsh or mean top, it is just not part of me.
As I have continued through these last few years, I have come to appreciate switching very much. I am definitely a bottom switch, if given a choice I would like my backside over a lap. But the maternal part of me does like to provide what naughty boys need (as long as they are over the age of 18). No one has ever complained and in fact they usually want to play with me again. The other fun part is at a party if I play with a male switch we get to take turns!
I have also had a chance to spank female friends and that has worked out really well. Once again, the mom part of me just takes over. Fortunately I do have chances to get spanked as well and I also am disciplined when I am not the best I can be, but that is a post for another day.
So I found out all switches don't grow on trees, sometimes the ability to switch just grows in your heart.

Spanking Prayer

A little update on now I lay me down to sleep

Spanking Prayer

Now I lay me over his knee
The carpet is the only sight I see
I waited all day for this moment to come
Please oh please make my backside hum

As he took my hand his eyes did glow
For he knew that soon all my treasures would show
I feel his hand caress up my thigh
And all I can do is close my eyes and sigh

My bottom is bare and my legs spread wide
There is nothing I am allowed to hide
He reaches down and kisses each cheek
The moan from my soul comes out as a squeak

That very first spank is warm and a sting
Now follows the ones that make me sing.
I squirm and I wiggle over his lap.
For now they are quite a bit more than a tap.

Every so often he stops to caress and squeeze.
I gasp with delight and beg him, please…
This man that I love knows what I need,
But still he loves to hear me plead.

Caressing and spanking, fills his needs as well,
When I look in his eyes its easy to tell
He delights in the color he brings to my skin
Such pleasure and delight could not be a sin.

I know I will feel both paddle and strap.
Oh I pray to hear that leather snap.
And after he spanks and its over and done.
He'll cool the fire that burns like the sun.

I've done nothing wrong and neither has he.
This is the way we want life to be.
I can't imagine not being spanked
Or making sure he has been thanked.

Its part of the way we express our love
I love his iron hand in a velvet glove.
So I pray the day will never come to be.
When I can't find myself over his knee.

Purple Angel

The Most Fun I Could Ever Have Sober

Just to start out honestly, no this is not my bottom (kind of wish it were). But I really thought these panties would be terrific at a spanking party. Just in case someone questioned whether or not you wanted, needed, or were able to be spanked.

I am sorry it took me so long to post, and I will continue to try and do a better job of posting more consistently. But I did want to share the Crimson Moon party with you. I had gone to one in October so I did know what to expect but this one had an important difference.

This time I went with someone very special. For the moment he shall be known as GC. The two of us have been seeing each other since January and our relationship is growing and developing into the kind of special one that most people seek. He is smart, good looking, funny, and he spanks and likes to be spanked. I ask you, what more could a hard wired spanko switch like me ask for? He had also made our hotel reservations for one extra day so we could have some time together before the party began and we would be socializing and spanking with others as well as each other.

GC does not believe in disciplinary spanking and is more than willing to leave that part of need to my "older brother". It is interesting to note, however, that I do feel very comfortable in taking his advice and assuring him that anything I say I will do will most certainly get done. Now this is wonderful and all of you who face weight loss issues will certainly understand why. My "older brother" spanks me if I gain weight and GC rewards me for significant weight loss. Talk about a win win situation! I do not mean to infer in any way that he doesn't like spanking. Oh he most certainly does. Playful, sensual, or Just Because spankings happen quite often when we are together. I love the fact that he is spontaneous since I like to be that was as well.

Ok, back to the party. We had spent Thursday together which was lovely and my bottom, of course, got spanked especially before we went to bed. It is the best sleeping potion I have ever known.

Friday, after breakfast, other group members started arriving for the party. It felt like a family reunion, amazing how this need in our lives draws us together. I introduced GC to everyone I knew, since he knew very few people in this particular group.

The party begain Friday evening and was a bit smaller than the October party but there were also newcomers to the group so it was a terrific mix of people. My first party spanking was by a man new to the group. He was a Top and after we had talked awhile he asked if I wanted to play. I agreed and upstairs we went. He was very soft spoken with a terrific smile as he displayed his toys. I got two terrific spankings from him. One was over the bed on pillows with my bottom in the perfect position for a terrific paddling. He told me I had very good taste in lingerie, something every woman likes to hear. Those black lace panties do it every time as do the thigh high stockings edged in lace. He then decided I needed to be strapped which I enjoyed tremendously. I have found that when leather is used it develops a rhythm that is seductive and takes your brain on a little mind trip. I did call him Sir since his party name was Daddy and I don't call anyone that, which I explained to him and he understood perfectly.

As with all spankings this was over too soon and with a few very nice hugs, we started back down to the party room. I told him how much I had enjoyed it and he laughed and said I could be a reference for him since some women were hesitant to play with him since he was new.

Back in the party room I found GC who had also been off spanking lucky bottoms and we had a chance to touch base, with a some hugging and kissing. But my next spanking was just around the corner. It was one of the group members I had played with in October. We are both switches but he said that he would spank me tonight and I could spank him tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to let your bottom have a break. He and his wife are delightful people and they bring their massage table to parties. I soon found myself on top of it with my skirt up and my panties down. One thing I really appreciate about playing with him is I learn about so many different implements and ideas for play. I know it was a terrific spanking but to be honest I don't remember alot of it past the very beginning. In fact when he finished I pointed to the leather paddle and strap and asked why he had not used those. He laughed and said I had both used on my bottom quite energetically. It was clear I had zoned out completely losing myself to the spanking. That sense of euphoria that accompanies zoning, sub space, or heaven, whatever you choose to call it definitely occured and I hadn't even realized it. I just remember loving all the different sensations and then just as quickly it was over. I posted a memo in my brain to be sure and give him a great experience on Saturday when the masssage table would be turned.

The title of this post is quite true. I can't imagine more fun than this. And of course, waiting at bedtime was a very sensual spanking and lots of cuddling. I will be happy to tell about Saturday's adventures in my next post. But I did go to bed that night with a very, warm, red, happy backside. And GC is quite correct, those spankings he give me eliminate the need for any sleeping pills.