This week I want to know your opinion about a spanker's responsibility. Choose any type of spanking you want and let us know what you think the spanker is responsible for. Consider issues of safety, zoning, and physical issues the spankee might have. What should the spanker be careful of and caring about. Remember this does not have to be punishment, it can be whichever type of spanking you enjoy the most. I would also enjoy hearing the opinions of spankees as to what needs of theirs should be met by the spanker.
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7 comments:
Hi. I am new to your blog and I like what I have seen.
I am a spankee and my needs are simple:
1. spank me
It is amazing how difficult it is sometimes to get turned over his knee! Just do it already.
2. Talk to me
Tell me I'm beautiful. Tell me I'm a brat. Tell me you are angry with me or I disappointed you. Tell me something!
3. Hold me afterwards.
No matter how fun or playful a spanking is, I still want/need to be held.
That't it. But of the three, I'd say number one is number one! Just do it!
Maryann
I find as a spankee that too many spankers want to try to spank me for some reason; to make me feel like I am being punished. I don't need that and, in fact, it often will ruin a scene for me.
What I think is a spanker's first responsibility is listening. Listen to us when we tell you what we like...listen when we tell you what we don't like. Don't take our smiles and laughter as a challenge..we aren't laughing at your spanking, we are laughing and smiling because we are enjoying it immensely.
When you hear a safeword, stop IMMEDIATELY! Don't say "Are you gonna wimp out on me?" or "You can take one more". We educated people about the sanctity of the safeword, both tops and bottoms. When someone uses their safeword it means "Stop this right now!" It should be heeded.
I don't really believe aftercare is a spanker's responsibility but it sure goes a long way towards endearing the spanker to me. I don't mind a hug and a pat on the fanny when we're done but if you broke skin or caused abraded skin, it's a responsible top who tries to help take care of the problem.
I believe a spanker's responsibility is also to learn the safe way to spank, the safe places and the safe methods.
This is just my opinion and I could write a whole blog myself on the subjct.
Thanks for the thought provoking blog, Val.
Love ya!
Cigi
Hey, Purple, great question and not something I've thought about since I was a relative newbie.
I have definite feelings regarding what I believe a top is responsible for.
First and foremost, any top who spanks others is responsible for providing a safe and reassuring environment for whoever he/she is spanking. It's pretty hard to enjoy a spanking when you can't relax.
Secondly, a top is responsible for giving the bottom the kind of spanking she/he asks for. If a bottom asks you for something you either can't or won't give, then have the guts to say so. This should be discussed before the first spank falls.
Third, a top is responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of the one he/she is spanking. That means know how to safely use the toys you own. Emotionally, don't purposely take a bottom anywhere she/he doesn't want to go. We all know that things sometimes happen that we didn't plan for. But never, under any circumstances, do these things with intent.
These are the things I believe are the most important. There are lots of others, but I don't want my answer to be longer than the post LOL.
Again, great question, Purple. I am chomping at the bit to see you at your party.
Love,
Cheryl
Had you said "goals" the question would have been extremely difficult because the "goals" of a spanking change not only based on the type of spanking... but it varies from spanking to spanking.
But "responsibility" is much easier. A spanker is responsible for being safe and ensuring a spanking doesn't veer off in a way that would 'damage' their spankee. That means physically or mentally. Just don't want to push to a place that the spankee truly did not want to go.
:)
Todd and Suzy
I was going to write something in response to this excellent question, but Cheryl said everything that I was going to say and probably stated it more clearly. So I will confine myself to complementing Cheryl for her answer.
Wintermute
Thank you all for your comments, I will be writing a summary for a blog over the weekend. Just wanted to throw in a few cents worth. Since I am a switch I am both spanker and spankee. When I am the one topping I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to the bottom's welfare, especially if this involves discipline. And if a bottom should zone or hit sub space they often need help because it is a bit like being drunk, you are just not sure what is going on. I know that since I have visited a time or two myself.
Cigi and Cheryl, what well written and beautifully thought out answers. I can always rely on the two of you to look at the issue squarely and speak to it.
Welcome Maryann, and I have to agree! JUST DO IT!! I also agree with your other comments. Spanking tends to make me sleepy(well sometimes)and being held is such a joy. That is why bedtime spanking is wonderful.
ToddnSuzy I have to agree, the spanker is responsible for never pushing the limits that have been set without permission. If I was going to talk about a spankee's responsibility it would definitely be that you state your limits clearly and not expect anyone to read your mind.
Wintermute, I couldn't agree with you more about Cheryl's response.
Thanks to you all for commenting.
Hugs,
Purple Angel
I want a spanking that lets me know that he is in control. Love smacks are alright for lovemaking, but a real spanking should be hard enough to make me cry.
I want to be held after too. Being shown that I am loved is a very important part of the spanking experience for me.
I like the ritual part of being spanked as well, being told to take my pants off, having my panties taken down to my knees, and then off. I don't much like the corner though.
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